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Enjoying Intimacy When You Experience Incontinence

Romantic relationships are an important part of life, but for those with incontinence, the idea of intimacy can be daunting. Remember: your condition is not uncommon, and there's no need to let it impact your personal life. Our advice can help you continue to enjoy a close, loving relationship with your partner.

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Our relationship tips

It can be tough to tell a long-term loved one about incontinence, but telling a new partner is even harder.

Incontinence isn't something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. The tips below can help you to discuss the condition with a new partner, and allow you to work together towards developing a long-lasting, close relationship.

Don’t rush intimacy

It’s important to develop a natural affection and respect for each other before developing a physical relationship. A discussion about the protection you’ll require is best had in advance, and in the right environment – not in the heat of the moment just before you have sex.

Developing emotional intimacy before talking about your need for protection will allow you to feel a lot more comfortable discussing it.

Prepare for the conversation

Don’t be hard on yourself if you feel anxious when talking to your new partner about incontinence. Managing the condition can be difficult, both emotionally and physically, so there is no shame in showing this.

Accept your feelings and they might disappear faster than if you tried to fight them. If you can speak to another family member who is aware of your condition beforehand, this might help too.

Remember, incontinence is a health issue and not something to be ashamed of. It might help to begin the conversation with: “I have a medical condition I’d like to talk about with you.” Explain the condition to them before discussing ways to manage intimacy.

Be brave

Talking to a new partner about incontinence isn’t easy, and it can feel like you’re taking a chance by doing so. The likelihood is, however, that chance will pay off.

Incontinence doesn’t define you, and your partner should already be entranced enough by you to offer support and understanding when you discuss the need for protection.

Discussing intimacy with a new partner is daunting, but if they’re not accepting and compassionate, are they the right choice for you anyway?

Plan for Intimacy

If you’re anticipating a romantic moment, plan ahead to reduce your worry. Addressing the practical issues and knowing how you will manage them if they show up will help you be more confident.

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